What are some ambiguous sentences, which can be read in two quite different ways?

I was thinking about ambiguous sentences today.  You know, like

        "The turkey is ready to eat" (is it hungry or cooked?)

And my old favorite, which I have actually seen on a sign:

        "No smoking regulations are strictly enforced"

Here's a new one:

        "It was so surprising that I didn't read the warning!"

(Was the surprise *that* I didn't read it or was it *the reason that*
I didn't read it?  In other words, is the antecedent of "it" the
that-clause, or whatever the topic of the previous sentence was?
In the first interpretation, "so" stands alone; in the second, it's
part of the idiom "so...that".)

-- Mark Brader <msb@sq.com>

[ Editor: from a 1993 thread on "Time flies" and words that can be read
as either noun or verb: ]

a friend of mine once showed me an article about two politicians having
a debate.  the article was entitled,

        "johnson and lewis butt heads"

-- Bob Vesterman <RVESTERM@vma.cc.nd.edu>

[ Editor: more from the 1993 "Time flies" thread: sentences that can be
read as praise or as their opposite. ]

In article <mnementhCEE04D.67u@netcom.com>,
David R. Villegas <mnementh@netcom.com> wrote:
>Another one for the list:
>
>Visiting relatives can be annoying.

Reminds me of an amusing discussion on a newsgroup (I forget which one)
about a certain topic (I forget what) awhile ago.  Someone ended his
post with:

}  If any more posts are made on this topic, I shall waste no time
}  reading them.

Someone else replied with:

)  That last post was of absolutely immeasurable value!

I chimed in with:

]  If that last post managed to get its point across, it was an
]  unqualified success.

This went on for awhile.

-- Jonathan Haas <positron@quip.eecs.umich.edu>

There is a book of such quotes, to be used in recommendation letters.
It is called "The Lexicon of Intentionally Ambiguous Recommendations
(LIAR)"; I don't remember the title.

Samples:

"I urge you to waste no time in making him an offer."

"I wouldn't hesitate to give her sweeping responsibilities."

And some for oral use:

"I wouldn't mind halving/having his salary."

-- David Grabiner <grabiner@math.harvard.edu>

 "You'll be lucky if he decides to work for you"

-- Billy Harris <wharris@cse.uta.edu>

[ Editor: further postings from the October 1993 thread "Time flies",
which began: ]

> The sentence "Time flies" is interesting because "time" can be a
> noun, and "flies" the verb, or vice versa.
>
> Can you think of any other sentences like this?

-- John Allen <etljhan@etlxd30.ericsson.se>

Not exactly noun/verb interchange, but the following has two meanings:

"He saw that gas can explode".

-- Jon Haugsand <jonhaug@ifi.uio.no>

This, of course, is what makes Groucho's famous line so engaging:

        "Time flies like the wind,
         Fruit flies like a banana."

I believe it was Mark Twain who said:

        "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
         Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

While not exactly on the topic of puzzles, it would be fun to see a
compilation of such word plays, those that take advantage of the fact
that a single word can wear so many hats in the English language.
Anybody know any more of these expressions, or, better yet, seen a
book full of 'em?

-- Chuck Delaney <cdelaney@u.washington.edu>

By the mention of alternating noun/verb pairs, I'm reminded of the
Winnie the Pooh poem by A. A. Milne called "Cottleston Pie."

                Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie
                A Fly can't Bird, but a Bird can Fly
                Ask me a Riddle, and I reply
                Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie

Perhaps mind/puzzle is an appropriate addition to the list, although
they don't work without context.

My mind is frequently puzzled by posts here.
How can the puzzle mind if we are incorrect.

-- Scott Purdy <spurdy@pomona.claremont.edu>

In article <28nm2v$817@spool.mu.edu>, brett hughes
<hughes@studsys.mscs.mu.edu> wrote:
>9)        What are camel's hair brushes made of?

I don't know.  Actually, I didn't know camels brushed their hair.  (Or
would that be camels' hairbrushes?)

-- Joel Evan Rosenberg <joelr@phoenix.Princeton.EDU>

Does your nose sometimes run?
and your feet smell?
If so, you are built upside-down.

-- Phil Brady <P.R.Brady@swan.ac.uk>

Another one for the list:

Visiting relatives can be annoying.

-- David R. Villegas <mnementh@netcom.com>

I got one!  (with a bonus meaning!)

             Love bites.

Can mean:
  1) romance stinks
  2) be fond of your injuries
and the bonus meaning (if we allow adjectives):
  3) affectionate nips

-- Karen L Lingel <kll@lns598.lns.cornell.edu>

A skit from Saturday Night Live a while back made use of this
...whatever it is.

A person working in a nuclear reactor gave this advice to his
replacement as he was leaving:

   "You can't put too much water in a nuclear reactor."

-- Heather Booth

[ Editor: Booth's lines appear at the end of Lingel's posting in the
collected copy. ]

My favorite is:

        No napkin is sanitary enough for me.

I found it in rec.humor few years ago.  There was no attribution.

-- Lukasz Pruski <pruski@teetot.acusd.edu>

Then there is the ad for Aspirin (no, not Aspirin, one of those
things, call it Aspirin for now) that says "when you have a headache,
nothing works faster than Aspirin".

-- Derek Wills <oo7@emx.cc.utexas.edu>

Am I the only one who sees something horribly wrong with the slogan,
"Oldsmobile: Demand Better"?

-- Jonathan Haas <positron@quip.eecs.umich.edu>

One good one:
        Train leaves.

And some lesser attempts:
        Leaves fall.
        Book plays.
        Mother babies.
        Screen stars.

-- Karen L Lingel <kll@lns598.lns.cornell.edu>

In article <CF5pvH.5L1@news2.cis.umn.edu>, calx@barnacle.micro.umn.edu
(alexander day) wrote:
> While reading in another group I came across this phrase:
>
> rewards determined study handsomely

I didn't see the start of this conversation but I assume it's about
ambiguous English sentences.  The following two are said to have been
newspaper headlines during WW2

Giant waves down the funnel of the Queen Mary

British push bottles up Germans

-- Tony Davie <ad@dcs.st-and.ac.uk>

Don't forget: INCEST MORE COMMON THAN THOUGHT IN USA

-- J R Partington <pmt6jrp@gps.leeds.ac.uk>

 [WW2 newspaper headline:]
> British push bottles up Germans

I think it was even more graphic than that:

        British push bottles up German rear

-- Dave Seaman <ags@seaman.cc.purdue.edu>