What is a clerihew, and what are some good examples?

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New entry, edited from material collected for the archive and not yet in a released version.

Problem

What is a clerihew, and what are some good examples?

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The Clerihew was invented by Edmund Clerihew Bentley (1875-1956). It is
a satirical or humorous poem consisting of two couplets, usually
biographical, and with the name of the subject comprising the first
line. This is the most famous example:

Said Sir Christopher Wren
I'm having lunch with some men,
If anyone calls,
Say I'm designing St Paul's.

This one is also worthy of note:

The digestion of Milton
Was unequal to Stilton.
He was only feeling so-so,
When he wrote Il Penseroso.

-- Philip Carter <philip@knowl.demon.co.uk>

What Bill Gates
Really hates
Is when people quiz
"Is that Mr. or MS?"

-- Daniel P. B. Smith <dpbsmith@world.std.com>

[ Editor: further material on this puzzle, edited separately from other collected postings (batch 18); it may repeat some of the above. ]

[ Editor: problem as stated there: ]
What is a clerihew (and how does it differ from a double dactyl, or
higgledy-piggledy)? Write some clerihews.

David Karr <karr@cs.cornell.edu> wrote:
>I believe the item you posted is called a "clerihew": 8 lines of
>double dactyl, rhyme scheme ABCDEFGD, making a humorous statement
>about some historical person.

No! A clerihew -- a form created by Edmund Clerihew Bentley, and named
for, obviously, his middle name -- is quite irregular in its metrical
structure. Here are a few samples:

The art of Biography
Is different from Geography.
Geography is about maps,
But Biography is about chaps.

What I like about Clive
Is that he is no longer alive.
There is a great deal to be said
For being dead.

Sir Christopher Wren
Said, "I am going to dine with some men.
If anybody calls
Say I am designing St. Paul's."

These are all by Bentley himself. Apparently, he began them while an
undergraduate, perhaps as mnemonics to help him remember historical data
[although I doubt that]. He is best known today for having written the
great classical mystery novel, <Trent's Last Case>.

Double-dactyls were invented in the later 1950's or early 1960's by an
American humorist whose name escapes me at the moment. Of his own
contributions to the genre, my favorite is:

Higgledy piggledy
Richard Plantagenet
Sailed off for France
Full of OEdipal scorn

Erotogenesis
Can't be all mythic
If mother still makes it
With Bertrand de Born

The requirements are the quatrain form, the use of a name in the second
line of the first stanza, and the use of a single word as the whole of
the first line of the second stanza. Both the name and the one-word-line
have to be, of course, dactylic dimeter -- hence the "double dactyl."
I forgot, as you see already, that the first line of the first stanza
also must be a nonsense double -- "higgledy piggledy," "Omigosh, omigosh."
The latter is one from a response announcing the winner of a double dactyl
contest in <Games> a number of years ago.

-- Frank Young <tipcat@wam.umd.edu>

Those humorous eight-line verses in dactylic dimeter, rhyme scheme abcd efgd
are sometimes called "double dactyls" and sometimes "higgledy-piggledies."
The first line is usually nonsense; the second names the subject (usually a
person) and one of the lines in the second stanza (usually e, f or g) should
be a single word double-dactyl. Metrical variations, especially the deletion
of the final unstressed syllable(s) of the rhyming lines, are common.

A related verse form is the "McWhirtle." [Editor: spelled "McWhirltle"
in the original] Here each stanza begins with an extra unstressed
syllable, and there need be no nonsense words or single-word
double-dactyls.

A "clerihew" (named for Edmund Clerihew Bentley, their inventor) is a four-
line form with rhyme scheme aabb. The first line usually names the subject
(a person, again, is typical). Atrocious rhyme and meter are desired. Here
are a couple from memory:

Spinoza,
Collected curiosa.
Bawdy belles lettres,
Etc.

George Byron
Was seduced by a siren.
His flesh was weak;
Hers, Greek.

-- Guy Jacobson <guy@ulysses.att.com>

>Games magazine has published quite a number of *higgledy-piggledies*
>over the years (they may have published some clerihews as well [...])

They did. Had a clerihew contest awhile ago... challenge was to write
a clerihew about a famous person. The winner was:

Did Descartes
Depart
With the thought,
"Therefore I'm not?"

-- Jonathan Haas <positron@quip.eecs.umich.edu>

Another cool type of poem (and also the subject of a Games contest)
is the higgledy-piggledy. A higgledy-piggledy is eight lines
long, with the fourth and eighth lines having four syllables
accented on the first and fourth syllables, and the remaining
lines being double dactyls. (A double dactyl is six syllables
accented on the first and fourth). The first line is generally
nonsense, like "higgledy piggledy", and the second line is the
name of the subject of the poem. Extra credit is given for
any single-word double dactyls (like "schistosomiasis" or
"radioactively".) The fourth and eighth lines should rhyme.

Higgledy Piggledy
Benjamin Harrison
Twenty-third President
Was, and as such,

Served between Clevelands, and
Save for this trivial
Idiosyncrasy
Didn't do much.

-- Jonathan Haas <positron@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM>

[ Editor: in 1996 Philip Carter started a new thread: ]

Said Sir Christopher Wren
I'm having lunch with some men,
If anyone calls,
Say I'm designing St Paul's.

This one is also worthy of note:

The digestion of Milton
Was unequal to Stilton.
He was only feeling so-so,
When he wrote Il Penseroso.

How about some more along the same lines from rec.puzzlers?

The following is a summary of the fine selection of Clerihews submitted
in response to the above posting:

From Daniel P.B. Smith -

What Bill Gates
Really hates
Is when people quiz
"Is that Mr. or MS?"

From David Doff -

Sir Humphry Davy
Detested gravy.
He lived under the odium
of having discovered Sodium.

From Peter Suzman -

Old Bob Dole
Was a merry old soul,
A merry old soul was he,
Or so said his handlers three.

From Ann Franklin [Editor: spelled "Anne" in the original] -

Said President Clinton,
"Let's play badminton
On the White House lawn
Till Election Day's gone."

Said Netanyahu,
While fishing for wahoo,
"This fighting must cease;
Let's talk about peace."

Remarked Walt Disney,
With Mickey on his knee,
"I might make my mark
If I built a theme park."

Said Sigmund Freud,
"I'm really annoyed.
There wasn't a theme
In my latest dream."

Said Wolfgang Mozart
To Rene Descartes,
"Your thought's at the root
Of my 'Magic Flute'."

Said Claud Monet
At the end of the day,
"I get the impression
A sunset's in session."

Said Frank Lloyd Wright
From a lofty height,
"At Taliesin
I'll teach you a lesson."

Said Katherine Hepburn,
"I'm still full of pep, Vern.
And I'm very fond
Of my 'Golden Pond'."

Thomas Wolfe said,
As he shook his head,
"You might as well roam,
'Cause you cannot go home."

(Franklin to Carter:
I'll soon be a martyr.
There's an endless crop,
'Cause now I can't stop!)

From David Spero -

[I'm submitting literary type Clerihews to make everyone think I'm a lot
more culturally sophisticated than I really am....]

In Joyce Carol Oates'
collection of quotes,
It goes without stressing,
that all are depressing.
(Just like Doris Lessing!)

Dmitri Shostakovich
wrote a symphony to which
Comrade Stalin took exception
Put Dmitri's life in question.

Songwriter Bob Dylan
always was willin'
To stretch a rhyme out of joint
to help make his point.

From Dafydd Price Jones -

Ted Hughes
Isn't known for Clerihews.
He's given the sack,
But he always gets his job back.

Explanation: Ted Hughes is the British Poet Laureate for life. He
receives a sack of wine every year for his services.

-- Philip Carter <philip@knowl.demon.co.uk>

[ Editor: in April 1997 E. Cox and H. Rathvon posted, and later
reported the results of, a clerihew contest at the Atlantic Monthly on
the Web: ]

Oliver Stone
Never answers the phone
He's filming a series
Of conspiracy theories

That may not be the world's greatest clerihew. We need better ones! Our
current word-game contest at the Atlantic Monthly on the Web is reproduced
below. Let your Muse loose, and send your Hollywood-oriented clerihews to
us at CoxRathvon@aol.com. We'll report the winners here.

**Clerihews in Tinseltown**

Yes, it's clerihew time again at the Atlantic Monthly--and this year we're
going Hollywood! But first, a refresher course:

The clerihew is a bit of rhyming doggerel invented by Edmund Clerihew
Bentley (1875-1956). Traditionally, it's a four-line verse made up of two
rhyming couplets, with meter intentionally (often ridiculously) irregular.
Its purpose is to offer a satiric or absurd biography of a famous person.
Here are three of Bentley's own concoctions:

Sir Humphrey Davy
Detested gravy.
He lived in the odium
Of having discovered sodium.

George the Third
Ought never to have occurred.
One can only wonder
At so grotesque a blunder.

Sir Christopher Wren
Said, "I'm going to dine with some men.
If anyone calls,
Say I'm designing St. Paul's."

Edmund Clerihew Bentley isn't around to poke fun at today's Hollywood
stars, so we'd like you to step in and do your verse. Send us an original
clerihew whose subject is a person from the movies or television (we'll
include the TV screen along with the big silver one). For example:

Tom Hanks
Has accounts in fifty banks.
His earnings took a jump
When he said, "People call me Forrest Gump."

To warm you up a little more, here are some samples submitted by
rhymesters in our 1995 "Clerihews in the News" contest on AOL:

Cher
(To compare)
Has more money
Than Sonny.
(Obfusco@aol.com)

Hugh Grant's
Been caught with a downward vector to his pants.
Since then his wealth and fame have gotten bigger.
Go figger.
(Cruciver@aol.com)

Warren Beatty
Loved to date, he
Fooled around with every girl he
Met except of course for Shirley.
(StefSpad@aol.com)

Senator Jess Helms
Saw "Desire Under the Elms."
He turned red and ranted,
"Get this O'Neill guy de-granted!"
(Rickwins@aol.com)

Okay, now it's your turn. Mail your clerihew to CoxRathvon@aol.com.
Multiple entries are welcome, but for our convenience pack your verses
into one piece of e-mail whenever possible (and please don't use attached
files). Senders of our three favorite entries will each receive a golden
pen, a guided tour of Edmund Clerihew Bentley's birthplace, and a guest
appearance on Siskel and Ebert's syndicated TV show--either that, or a
free book from the Atlantic Monthly.

"Clerihews in Tinseltown" will remain open through Friday, April 18.
Winners and full results will be posted on Friday, April 25.

-- E. Cox and H. Rathvon <CoxRathvon@aol.com>

A couple weeks ago, we announced a clerihew contest at the Atlantic Monthly
(http://www.theatlantic.com). Here's a shortened version of the results.
For the full write-up, visit

http://www.theAtlantic.com/atlantic/atlweb/wordgame/current.htm

**Results of Clerihews**

Rathvon and Cox
Received virtual crocks
Of letters from people who quite evidently
Thought they were Bentley.

We're sure Edmund Clerihew Bentley would have been pleased to read the many
jocular, rollicking rhymes submitted to us in his honor. Among the poems was
this arch note from LionInOil@aol.com, a game-player fond (as his screen name
attests) of palindromic creations:

I seem to recall that when Bentley's ancestor, Louis Chesterton Clerihew, was
chosen to become general manager of The London Times, the occasion inspired
the now-famous palindromic headline: "WE HIRE L.C. CLERIHEW."

Among the poems themselves, the most popular subjects seemed to be Madonna
and Dennis Rodman (why doesn't this surprise us?). Of the verses dedicated to
Ms. Ciccone, our favorite was:

Madonna
Wanna
Golden statuette,
But ain't got one yet.
(LeonardJK@aol.com)

And of the Dennis Rodman commentaries, our favorite was:

Dennis Rodman
Seems like an odd man.
But he has his agent's blessing
When he's cross dressing.
(nshack@webspun.com)

Our three winners will each receive their choice of a free book from the
Atlantic's online store or an Atlantic T-shirt with a surfing Poseidon
pictured on the back. Our laughing congratulations to garycrew@talweb.com,
guy@research.att.com, and rickp@ormutual.com for their wry and ridiculous
rhyming!

**The Winners**

King Kong
Was very strong.
At least, he wasn't frail.
Some say his story is true, but I think it's just a Fay-Wray tale.
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Sir John Gielgud
Said, "I don't feel good.
Who would have thought that eating a rancid smelt
Would cause this too, too solid flesh to melt?"
(guy@research.att.com)

Elizabeth Taylor
Never married a sailor
Or anyone who'd been governor of Texas.
And that's about all the exclusions on the list of her exes.
(rickp@ormutual.com)

**And Our Other Top Favorites**

Howard Stern
Would earn
Acclaim as an actor
If his lousy parts weren't such a negative factor.
(rmaluft@eau.net)

Ginger and Fred
Never shared a bed.
Their love scenes, performed upright (except for dipping),
Were still gripping.
(joan_christman@reyrey.com)

William Hurt
Removed his shirt.
T-shirt-wise, he was as stark
As Clark.
(joan_christman@reyrey.com)

Lassie
Had a lovely doggy chassis.
But under all that fur,
She wasn't a her!
(joan_christman@reyrey.com)

Miss Piggy
Is really wiggy.
But moi thinks that hog
Ain't winnin' the frog!
(joan_christman@reyrey.com)

Roseanne
Barr Arnold Thomas can
Shed husbands faster than pounds.
Is that as catty as it sounds?
(joan_christman@reyrey.com)

Claudette Colbert
And a change in men's underwear:
Conditions were right
For "It Happened One Night."
(PROSEGUY@aol.com)

Greta Garbo
Quit her carbo
Diet. Then she began to hiss and moan
"I want to be alone."
(PROSEGUY@aol.com)

The Barrymores
Have been shaken to their very cores.
From legends like John-dashing,
To Drew's "Late Night" appearance-flashing!
(PROSEGUY@aol.com)

Barbara Walters
Sometimes falters;
On interviewing Arafat,
She asked him what milliner designed his "hat."
(ShedPot@aol.com)

Sam Peckinpah
Insists on raw
And realistic gore in every picture.
Though with his plots there's no such stricture.
(smbush@dcaccess.com)

Ted Turner,
Always a quick learner,
Sent out word he was fonda
Christiane Amanpour's news from Rwanda.
(nshack@webspun.com)

William Shatner's hair
Isn't really there.
Like the "True Cops" genre he's impacted
His youthful hair is re-enacted!
(LeonardJK@aol.com)

Geraldo Rivera
Got smacked by a chair a
Slimy troglodyte threw
For the titillation of me and you.
(LeonardJK@aol.com)

Lauren Bacall
Wowed the Governor's Ball.
Her elegantly tailored Armani jacket artfully concealed the ladylike pistol
she later used to coldcock Juliette Binoche.
How gauche.
(Wyldingham@aol.com)

Donald Duck
Can't cluck.
But he doesn't lack
A quack.
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Sylvester Stallone,
To insure that his film career will go on,
Made a sports movie--about boxing, not hockey.
Thus he got a piece of the Rocky.
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Mickey Mouse
Had no spouse.
He hadn't any.
But he did have a girlfriend; and not just one, but Minnie!
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Chet Huntley
Put things bluntly,
But David Brinkley
Put things more succinctly.
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Rin Tin Tin
Has a favorite chair he's often been in when
He was needed on the set. Would it astound yer
To learn the chair was a Barker Lounger?
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Ursula Andress
Can dress
In a sundress--
Or undress!
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Toto,
Who would pose for any photo,
Liked to harass any passing chariot.
This activity became known as the original "Ozian Harry-It"!
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Simba
Is limn-ba
Disney,
Isney?
(garycrew@talweb.com)

"DOUBLE INDEMNITY"

Barbara Stanwyck'd
Turn any man wicked,
And in a great hurry.
Just ask Fred MacMurray!
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Errol Flynn
Was very embarrassed when
He looked down and said, "Gosh!
I forgot to buckle my swash!"
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Rodney Dangerfield
Decided he'd range afield
And make a movie where he's kissed by Della. He 'spec'd
That only by doing this would he get Reese-pecked!
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Roddy MacDowell,
Trying to get fitted for his Ape character, threw in the towel.
The suit was too small (he'd apparently acquired a case of the chunkies),
And he finally said, "Anything's more fun than Apparel of Monkeys!"
(garycrew@talweb.com)

Tyne Daly
Had lots of fun wielding her shillelagh;
Sharon Gless,
Less.
(guy@research.att.com)

Sean Penn
Said, "I am going to punch out some men.
If anyone calls,
Say I'm inciting brawls."
(guy@research.att.com)

Anne Parillaud
Played Nikita, although
Not the one who banged his shoe, yelling, "We will bury you"--
He's in a different clerihew.
(guy@research.att.com)

Brad Pitt
Has the "It"
That long ago
Belonged to Clara Bow.
(guy@research.att.com)

Fiennes
Signs
"Ralph," but it's safe
To call him "Rafe."
(guy@research.att.com)

Lassie
Was pretty classy,
But whoever thought a collie would
(Bow-wow) wow Hollywood?
(guy@research.att.com)

Juliette Binoche
Has no lack of argent de poche.
Ever since "The English Patient" lined her coffers
She's had plenty of offers.
(guy@research.att.com)

Just plain ol' "Liz"
Is
Better
Than Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Warner etc.
(guy@research.att.com)

Jessica Tandy
Thought it was dandy
To be thrown in
With Hume Cronyn.
(guy@research.att.com)

Charles Nelson Riley
Ended his humorous e-mail with a :-)
And when he made a joke of which he was especially proud,
With LOL.
(guy@research.att.com)

Blythe Danner
Knows all the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner";
Tony Danza,
Only one stanza.
(guy@research.att.com)

Jean-Claude Van Damme
Went "Wham!"
His entire approach to acting
Is impacting.
(guy@research.att.com)

Bette Davis
Was a rara avis,
Especially in regard to the size
Of her eyes.
(guy@research.att.com)

Mr. T
Isn't as rich or famous as he used to be.
But rather than laugh at his misfortune, which would be cruel,
I pity the fool.
(guy@research.att.com)

If Delta Burke
Had a fight with Captain Kirk,
William Shatner
Would flatten 'er.
(guy@research.att.com)

Teri Garr
Ought never to have become a star.
One can only laugh
At such a gaffe.
(guy@research.att.com)

Bill Bixby
Lived in apartment 6B
Right across the hall
From Lauren Bacall.
(guy@research.att.com)

Dolly Parton
Buys bras by the carton.
The remarkable thing here
Is that each carton holds just one brassiere.
(guy@research.att.com)

When "Bones"
Is lost in a group of imposter robot clones
It takes Leonard Nimoy
To spot the real McCoy.
(guy@research.att.com)

Mike Myers'
Body of work inspires
Critics to say
"What a shame 'So I Married an Ax Murderer' wasn't cinema verite."
(rickp@ormutual.com)

Ellen
Cleaned her closet out by tellin'
Blurring the line between fact and fiction,
Providing a Dan Quayle/Murphy Brown contradiction.
(bonniet@ormutual.com)

Woody:
Could he
Be a
Worse guy for Mia?
(mie@bellcore.com)

CBS anchor Dan Rather
Got himself all in a lather;
When Brokaw "softened" his news,
Mr. Rather "hardened" his views.
(Robmur@aol.com)

Kevin Spacey:
When he won first place, he
Raised a rose
To Keyser Soze.
(pinny_chaya@juno.com)

Rocket J. Squirrel
Found Bullwinkle a girl.
To do it he conned her
With double entendre.
(paypete1st@worldnet.att.net)

Clint Eastwood,
Who really is no beast, would
Blow people away
Just to make his day.
(paypete1st@worldnet.att.net)

Clark Gable,
According to fable,
Rehearsed his co-starlet
With "A Study in Scarlett."
(paypete1st@worldnet.att.net)

Groucho Marx
Gave Henny Youngman sparks:
"Please, take my wife?"
"You Bet Your Life!"
(paypete1st@worldnet.att.net)

Demi Moore:
We experienced her fair vanity before.
Too much skin exposed again now has become
Ho hum.
(edmondsa@mail.isbe.state.il.us)

Degeneres, Ellen,
Is finally tellin'
What we guessed long ago.
Okay, so?
(edmondsa@mail.isbe.state.il.us)

Heston
Was best in
His roles from the Bible.
Thank heaven the dead never sue for libel.
(mbacon@surfsouth.com)

-- E. Cox and H. Rathvon <CoxRathvon@aol.com>